I lost count of all the times I have been asked how do I cope with loneliness.I remember the last time I have been asked this question I replied, “I simply don’t feel lonely”. Which is true, I rarely feel lonely, and I also can’t really get why so many just can’t spend time with themselves.
How do I do that? I just don’t do anything in particular, I am just used to spend time with myself and my thoughts. Right, the thoughts. This is the problem. It is inevitable that while being on your own you get the chance to think more and any kind of thought just runs through your mind. It can be overwhelming at times. It can scare people away from trying again that amazing experience of spending time on your own and getting to know yourself a lot better.
I am an over-thinker, so I know pretty well what wild thoughts can do to your wellbeing, but all of us should get more relax and learn how to cope with ourselves. Loneliness is definitely not the problem, we are the problem.
It is not an easy journey if you have always tried to avoid it, but it is time to start and learn how to enjoy the little things just by being with your inner you. Also, while trying it you will discover things about you, you will get to know yourself better and this will automatically help to overcome the fear of doing things on your own. Know and love yourself first, that is the key to face everything else afterwards.
I have lived in many Countries where I had colleagues and managed to make friends too, but at the end of the day I was pretty much on my own.
I reckon that’s where my strength comes from. I am not saying that you all should just move on a desert and remote island to learn how to cope with loneliness, but just try and go out there, sit in a coffee shop and read a book. Go out for a walk, to the park and sit on a bench. Analyse the feelings you get by doing so and, with time, it all will come very natural and you will actually crave for it.
Want to know more about how to get stronger? Have a look at this article on my blog: “QUESTION YOURSELF AND GET RID OF YOUR WEAKNESSES – NOW”
I don’t mean to come across as very mean but, if you can not cope with being with yourself you should carefully think about why that can not be done. Ask yourself, why? Was is it that truly scares me? I have always thought that if you can not be with yourself…you are then not ready to spend good quality time with others either. There is something there about you, your life or whatever else that you need to face and be relaxed about.
I am not the strongest person on earth, I do have my lonely moments sometimes, but I also have things to do, projects I like to work on, places I like to visit, and most of all I do crave and need time alone to carefully think things over.
Asking for advices and opinions to our friends is a great thing and helps us to get different inputs. But at the end of the day we need to deal with our own feelings. We need chat with that ”inner me” that we all have. That’s where we find answers to all (almost!) our wild thoughts. Gut feelings, that’s what it is all about.
While writing this post I am sitting in a coffee shop in central London, a lovely rustic coffee shop located on a side street, not too crowded and definitely not touristic. It is a Saturday afternoon and it is a pretty sunny day. I don’t need to go out with people like I am forced to, like I have nothing to do if I am not with friends. I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel like doing just because. I am going through a rough patch, need to think about how to sort things out, how to deal with certain things. I don’t think going out with other people would help. It could actually slow the process a bit.
I do have a question for you all.
Why don’t you feel comfortable with yourself? What is it that stops you from taking some “me time”?
By all this I am not saying we should live without friends and going out with people, quite the opposite. We all need “our gang” to hang out with, a close friend etc – But the most important person we need to feel good with is our self.
Being alone and feeling alone are 2 different things. You must feel comfortable with yourself first in order to not feel lonely. How often do you really need to be with people? Are you truly feeling okey while with surrounded with people?
This whole thing thought can be split into different scenarios.
You can either feel lonely because you really need to go out more and get to know more and new people, or it can be because there is something going on inside you that will not allow you to feel comfortable with being alone with yourself.
That’s where you should start from.
This is a very broad topic and I will not go into details, also because a section of it includes more serious stuff like mental health issues, where loneliness leads to depression etc – I am not qualified to talk about that aspect of loneliness. If you think that your “feeling lonely” is a lot more than what I jotted down on this post, please seek medical advice.
After having said all this, I strongly advice you to try and go deep into those overwhelming thoughts and see what you can do, they are trying to tell you something about yourself. After having done that, you might get my point and start appreciating spending time alone a lot more.
After all, you are a priority to yourself, you should be able to get along with yourself in the first place.